Eklektikos: A Contemporary Christian Blog

Eklektikos is dedicated to providing informative, uplifting and inspirational news, articles and commentary to our readers, in our ongoing effort to share the love of Christ with others in this fallen world. To God be the glory! This is the blog version of our main webzine 'Eklektikos: A Contemporary Christian Digest.' Like our main webzine, this blog is updated weekly, unless circumstances require otherwise.

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Location: Texas, United States

I am the executive editor of the webzine "Eklektikos: A Contemporary Christian Digest", a tireless researcher seeking a deeper and clearer knowledge regarding the past, present and future plight of Christians in our fallen world.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Heart in Hand in Second Place

YIKES! What an awful weekend I have had! It started out with my driving my two teenagers around the circumference of the earth on their endless quest to socialize. Between picking them up from school, going to get something to eat, taking my son to one friend's house, then waiting on my daughter's friend at Hastings for 20 minutes, just to discover that she wouldn't be ready for another hour...driving home, going back to Hastings, running errands while they were at Hastings, picking them up, taking them to the house just to turn around and go get my son....I spent about four hours in the car! My BONES ached, literally,and I didn't even get to eat dinner until 9:30, which I had to inhale because I had to leave in about 15 minutes to go get my son.... I was exhausted from all the driving. But that was the easy part of the evening.....

The fun part started when I went to get my son at his friend's house. His girlfriend of seven months was there, and I was not happy about it at all. They fight constantly, and I have watched my delightful, sweet, engaging son turn into a moody, depressed, grouchy, sometimes disrespectful stranger that I hardly recognize anymore. Needless to say, I was quite angry when I saw her there, as he had told me there weren't going to be any girls there that night. When I picked him up I was so mad I didn't even speak to him....little did I know his tender heart was breaking....he had broken up with her that night.

Now, me and several other people have been praying over the past few weeks that this very event would occur...so praise be to the LORD, he DOES hear our prayers, but PRAYER is to bring glory to HIM, to teach us something about HIS character and not necessarily to "get " what we want. I found that out that night, the hard way.

I went to check on him in his room after he had been home for a while. He was laying on the floor with both hands over his face. The friend he had spending the night was sitting on my son's bed, looking dumbfounded, as I am sure he didn't know how to comfort my son at this dire hour of his need. I was clueless as to what had happened that night. He had been sick all week, so I made the mistake of asking him what was wrong....thinking he had a headache or something as a result of his having a cold all week. He soundly told me to leave him the hell alone, and, well, I didn't take that very well. The friend went home.....and as I was talking to my husband in the driveway (he had just returned from taking the friend home) my ex-husband (my son's father) drives up!

To make this long story shorter, the gist of it was my son had called his dad to talk. He was WAY more upset than I had known....I had tried to talk to him before his dad got there, but he just kept pushing me away. In fact, he was overwhelmed by grief and self-doubt over his decision and anxiety and pain were overtaking him. I let him go with his father, because he really needed someone that night to watch over him, but he didn't want it to be me. As I watched them drive away, I sat down on the drive and cried. How could my son do this to me? I had run myself ragged that night...driving them all over the planet so they could have a fun night....it was ME who had been praying for weeks over this relationship, it was ME who had warned his father about how unhealthy this relationship had become....who had spent countless hours fretting over this situation...and in the blink of an eye, my son runs off with his father for the comfort I so longed to give him. I felt so abandoned, unappreciated, rejected and invisible....like the proverbial elephant in the room, that no one hears. Once again, I was second choice. This was the theme of my life, and once again, sitting there in the driveway, crying, I was re-playing old tapes....

Just for once in my life, I wanted to be SOMEONE's first choice! My sister, I always felt, was my Mom's favorite...my oldest daughter in a moment of rage told me she loved her stepmother more than me, I was never picked until last for the jr. high basketball team (are you crying yet?) Blah, blah, blah....pity parties are never a pretty sight. But GOD in his great love and mercy, reached down to me that night and spoke to me in that small, gentle, precious voice he uses to comfort me and said, now you know why I commanded...."Thou shalt have no other gods before me". If anyone deserves to come FIRST, it is CERTAINLY HIM!!! For just a brief moment, I felt like I had a tiny glimpse into the wonderful, beautiful mind of GOD. If anyone DESERVES to come first in our lives it is definitely HIM, and yet how many times do we make him first? Of all things in the universe, GOD has sacrificed the most!! (pawltry in comparison to my driving the circumference of the earth so my kids can socialize). It is GOD ALMIGHTY who sweat BLOOD on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins (as opposed to my measly prayers as I worried over their relationship)...It is GOD ALMIGHTY who SENT HIS OWN SON TO DIE ON THE CROSS FOR OUR SINS to a world of ungrateful, sinful human beings, many of whom will never accept his wonderful gift! (my sense of rejection can't even compare to that, and all I had sacrificed was my pride as I gave my blessing on my son going to his father's house for comfort. How many times does GOD try to reach the unsaved, offering them ETERNAL LIFE, and yet they turn their backs to him and try to find comfort somewhere else?)

I felt both blessed and humiliated by this revelation as I realized how many times in my life I had put GOD in second place! How many times I hadn't turned to HIM first for advice or comfort ....how many times I had been unappreciative of the sacrifice he had made for me....and how many times I had turned my back on his advice and rules (like my son was doing to me) to go my own way! I cried even harder and yet had a profound sense of love, humility and gratitude as I realized that even in spite of my sin, GOD had ALWAYS remained faithful to me, in the fact that he loved me (like he promises in his WORD) and that in spite of my past sins, he took the time to TEACH me something about HIS love and HIS character.

Sitting there in the driveway under that February moon, I realized I needed to start always make GOD my first choice....

And I realized, being "second choice" isn't such a bad place to be after all....


3 Comments:

Blogger Jot said...

You're totally right... second is not a bad place to be. Remember that, throughout the Bible, many of those who were so greatly used by God were seconds...
Isaac was the second to Ishmael, going on to sire God's people here on earth while Ishmael went on to fulfill his destiny by fathering what is now the Muslim people. (Genesis 16:11-12 clearly describes the descendants of Ishmael in saying, 'He shall be a wild man; His hand shall be against every man, and every man's hand against him.')
Then you have Jacob, who was the second to Esau, going on to sire the fathers of the twelve tribes of Israel, while Esau became hated by God (Malachi 1:1-3).
Then there is David, who was the second king of Israel after Israel's first king, Saul, lost his mind. In the book of 1 Samuel (8:7) we are told that God raised up Saul after the Israelites had rejected the Almighty! Saul was quick to lose his reliance on God and turn to his own ways - even conferring with a medium (1 Samuel 28:5-19), which God had expressly forbidden! David, on the other hand, was 'a man after God's own heart', and in the geneology of Jesus Christ, who was born in the City of David and of the root of Jesse (David's father)!
Perhaps the most telling example is the greatest one indeed... Jesus Christ was, Himself, the second Adam (Romans 6:14-15; 1 Corinthians 15:20-22, 45-48)! In the first Adam, we were all sentenced to death... in the second Adam, who was Jesus Christ, we were all offered eternal life with Him! Truly the greatest blessing of all!
As you see, second is not a bad place to be after all! May God continue to bless you and prosper you in your efforts to glorify His Name!

Monday, February 21, 2005 12:00:00 PM  
Anonymous Boudini said...

Wow Kitty! That was indeed a touching story and so well written. I might borrow it for our Christian newspaper,with your permission of course![SMILE]
Anyway, Not 1 Jot hit the nail on the head about being second. Those were powerfully anointed comments from Jot. Thanx Jot, for your insightful comments!
Teenagers sometimes do act out like that Kitty; I wouldn't take it too hard if I were you. During your private prayer time when you are alone in your prayer closet, In Jesus's Name, rebuke, bind and cast out the rebellious spirit from your son. Then commit him to the Lord and cover him with the Precious Blood of Jesus and in Jesus's Name forbid any evil thing or person to come nigh his tent! Continue to pray this way until you see a turn around. Wild girls will have to stay away from this boy!!! Remember we are in spiritual warfare and our weapons are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds. We literally fight wars on our knees.
In the meantime Kitty, keep being pleasant and keep doing those little 'special things' for your son; one day soon he will realize just how much you mean to him and he will also learn by beholding your steadfast love, what a real chritian looks like. Love ya, B.J.

Thursday, February 24, 2005 2:00:00 AM  
Anonymous stock trading said...

Remember that, throughout the Bible, many of those who were so greatly used by God were seconds... Thank you for bringing such nice posts.

Monday, November 22, 2010 11:32:00 PM  

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